The Memories of Severus
by TearsAndtheFallen
Summary: Severus thought that she was out of his mind. Death often removed a person like that, and heartbreak even more so. One night will prove to him once and for all that memories are not meant to be forgotten.
1. The Photo and the Fire

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the characters. Only the plot and the sadness are mine.

**Warnings**: The rating of this story is subject to change at my discretion. However, I do not believe it will. I only reserve the right.

**-The Picture**

It is so odd how an object can bring back a memory that hides itself within the heart. Severus had long though that the heartache of losing her had subsided, or at least he often told himself so. He often pretended she was the one who had lost in the game of their love, that she was the one at fault for his broken heart and for her own early demise, but in that deep dark place of his heart he still fully blamed himself for everything.

The blame and sadness all came back when he found an old photograph from his childhood. It was a plain, black and white photograph. It was without movement, as it had been taken with her camera. It was in a box with other photographs from a summer that had all but faded from his memory. The box had been stuffed away in the back of an unused closet for many years.

The photo was of a girl with a rounded, youthful face. Even though the picture had no color, he could still remember the violent shock of red hair that she had. Her hair was pulled back, away from her face, but a few strands fell across her left eye. Her eyes shone in his mind as a brilliant green, bright and full of life and laughter. Just at the edge of the photo he could see a boy, apparently trying to escape the picture being taken. The boy was himself, so many years ago. The look of disgust on the boy's face was so clearly fake, as Severus remembered how happy that day had been for him.

"_I don't want to be in a picture Lily!" Severus shouted angrily, stomping away. Lily ignored him and took the picture anyway._

She looked so sad when she found out he was off to the edge of the picture, but she never said anything angrily to him about it. She had always been too good for him, but he would never have admitted that to anyone except her. She was his mudblood princess, and he was her shallow court jester, never destined to be the prince charming of her heart.

"_Those stupid muggle contraptions are so out of date. The photos don't even move, do they?" Severus asked Lily. She just smiled at him, not answering right away. He squinted at her, making a face of displeasure. She made a funny face back, and they both began laughing._

Severus threw the photo down in disgust, walking away from the box with a look of mixed sadness and anger on his face.

"She chose her own fate… She would never have died if she had chosen…she wouldn't have died…" He spoke to himself, pacing the floor in front of his fireplace. The light from the fire cast a garish hue on his face, making him looked deranged.

Sighing loudly, he collapsed into his arm chair, facing the flickering flames. The visions of that summer slowly came trickling back, as though he were living them once again…


	2. Summer Beginnings

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, or any of the characters

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, or any of the characters.

**Summer Begins, a Fading Dream**

_He had been dreaming. The dream was funny, absurd even. Lily was his girlfriend and they were watching a movie in the den of his house. There were no shouts of parental fighting, or discourse of any kind for that matter. It was all so surreal. That's what had tipped Severus off that it was all a dream, but he didn't complain. It was comforting, even in a dream, to be so close to her._

_The buzzing of his alarm brought him out of his comfortable fantasy to greet the dreary morning of the first full day back home from school, the first day of summer vacation. He couldn't say that he enjoyed summer vacation, because home was his least favorite place to be. His mother and father were always fighting, and more often than not he was dragged into the middle._

"_Your son is home and already odd things have been happening around the house!" Tobias Snape shouted, his voice booming and threatening as always. Severus could hear his mother whimper something softly, but couldn't make out the words of her reply. There was a crash of a dish hitting the floor, and Severus couldn't tell if it was dropped or thrown, but his father started shouting and cursing the next moment._

_Severus began to meditate, slowly counting to seven as he would breathe in and out. The sounds of the argument slowly faded to mere buzzing in the back of his mind. He began to recall lessons from classes; the feel of magic was a roar in his heart and in his gut. It gave him a secret joy to feel such power. _

_Then an odd sound brought him back to the reality that was his house. His mother was calling his name._

"_Severus, honey, there is a young woman here to see you. She looks familiar, but I'm not quite sure who she is." Eileen sounded as though she was in a dreamy daze, but Severus understood exactly who she meant. The only girl who would ever come to visit him was Lily Evans. _

_He ran his fingers through his hair, feeling that it was tangled and slightly stringy. Sighing, he went down to meet her, feeling quite unhappy that he'd had no warning of her visit._

_All unhappiness disappeared that first moment he saw her, however. She was the stunning vision of beauty that always took his very breath away. She had a smile on her face; a smile that he always felt was reserved solely for him. Severus didn't want Lily to hang around the house when the fighting of his parents still lingered like a thick fog in the air._

"_Hello Lily. Let's go outside." Severus suggested, and Lily nodded. Severus was thankful for his brilliant female friend, for she never questioned his reasons for wanting to be away from his home._

"_They were fighting again." Severus told her, and she nodded, having already expected this revelation. They walked a forest path, as they did whenever they spent time together._

"_I don't understand what my mother sees in him…He's nothing special. My mother deserves better." Severus said to Lily, his anger rising in his features. Lily listened carefully, one of her best talents. Her face was kind, but her eyes showed great pity. It was one of the things he hated about her. He didn't want pity. He wanted something better for himself. Her kindness made him feel, if possible, worse at times. He knew that he wasn't good enough for her, and would never be able to love her and be loved in return. Nobody would ever love him._

_After a while in silence, Lily decided to speak about her plans for the summer._

"_Ivy has invited me to stay at her place for the summer. I probably will, unless something comes up to keep me from going." She told him. He looked at her. She was looking away from him, and he couldn't help but think she wanted him to be the reason she didn't go. Severus couldn't deny that he hated Ivy Fortuna…but he knew that Lily and Ivy were the best of friends. He wouldn't stop them from spending time together._

"_Well I hope you have fun." He said, though it came out angrily. Lily looked hurt, but she didn't reply. Severus felt a pang of guilt and sadness, but he didn't go back on what he said. Instead, he softened his tone and face and said, "I'm sure you will have fun. Ivy always has some sort of plan to keep life interesting."_

_With that, everything was forgiven, as always._

The memory brought tears to his face as he stared into the flames of the fire.


	3. Sweet Summer Endings

Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me; I simply bend them to my powerful will.

**Sweet Summers End, but Memories Remain**

The fire danced merrily, a perfect contrast to his glum mood. His thoughts still wandered over that summer of so long ago. It had to have been the summer before his seventh year of school. He and Lily had still been friends at that time, though their friendship was fading. Things had been difficult for them, being in opposing houses. Being friends at school was not really an option, except in secrecy. However, that only put an awful strain on the both of them to remain close to one another. He couldn't have foreseen that this summer would be one of the last times they spoke together as friends, though. He couldn't have seen her enjoying Potter's company, or becoming that wretched idiot's girlfriend.

Severus got up from his chair and began to pace, the thoughts bringing a burning anger into his heart. "Why would you choose him? Didn't I suffer enough that you couldn't choose me? Did it make you happy to drive me further mad by choosing him?" he ranted and raved to the darkness of the room, his pacing growing ever more frantic.

"I bet he never really loved you as I did." He whispered. It was like a curse, speaking ill of the dead. It frightened him to make so brave of a statement. Yet, at the same time he wished for whatever repercussions the world of the dead would bring upon him. Anything would be a nice reprieve from his own thoughts. "I bet every kiss he ever gave you was never filled with as much love as the single kiss we shared." He spoke boldly, daring to be struck down for his impertinence. He remembered that night, that kiss, so well…

_Summer was ending, and Severus had been suffering the incessant arguments of his parents for all these long days. No one had called upon him for visits or adventures since Lily had left at the beginning of the summer. Her letters were becoming increasingly infrequent, but he still awaited them with anxiety. They were his ticket out of the hell of home. Each letter would tell of wonderful adventures she was having with Ivy, and all this excitement that he was so far removed from. Occasionally she would mention Ivy's relationship with Sirius, which was apparently growing. She would also throw in small appearances of James' name, though none of it ever seemed to be serious thought of him. She kept promising she would come to visit him, to give him a reprieve from his summer of isolation._

_And finally, visit him was what she did. His beautiful angel had come to be his salvation at last. Her normally pale skin had been kissed by the summer sun, and she radiated a renewed spirit. He was glad to see her, for he had missed her smile. She gave him a quick hug upon their meeting, and it felt as though she had never left._

_"It's been too long." She told him, her eyes filled with earnest caring. He nodded, not knowing what to say to her. For a while after they didn't really talk. Instead they took their regular walk around the neighborhood, merely enjoying the presence of one another. It was nice; it was peaceful. Talking began after a while, and their banter centered mainly on the various things that had happened to Lily over the summer. Severus had very little to share that was happy, so he didn't make much input. Their conversation moved on to the next school year, and the classes they would be taking. Things continued on much this way well into the night. They had found themselves sitting on the edge of a pond for some time, ignoring the mosquitoes buzzing about. It was quiet and calm, and Severus could only think of how much he wished things could stay like this moment forever._

_"Things between Ivy and Sirius have been getting more and more interesting." He could hear Lily saying, which brought him back to attention._

_"Oh, well that's nice." He replied, though he could honestly say he didn't care much, because those people were not his friends. Lily made an impatient face, but continued on with her train of thought._

"_Yes. Well, James and I have been talking lately…I rather think he's interested in me. He's grown up quite a bit, I guess…and I really just don't know…" She stammered, as though she were holding back thoughts. Severus started to become angry, because he didn't want to hear about her fascination with Potter. _

_"Well, if he likes you all that much, why don't you just date the jerk?" He yelled at her, standing suddenly and starting to walk off. He turned back towards her, his face red with rage and jealousy. "Why did you bother to come back here, just to tell me you wanted to date him? I don't want to hear about him, Lily!" He paced, unable to calm down. She stared at him, unable to speak for a couple of minutes. She looked so forlorn that he felt guilty for yelling at her, but he couldn't help his anger. Then she stood up and walked towards him, her footsteps tentative. He stopped pacing when she grew near, seeing that she wanted him to stop being upset._

_What came over him then, he would never be able to explain. He reached out for her hand and pulled her closer. Her intelligent green eyes were hazed by confusion as she looked up at him. He lifted his hand to gently brush her bangs out of her face, and then leaned down to kiss her. She didn't pull away, so he deepened the kiss slightly. This seemed to bring her back to earth, however. She pushed him back gently, and looked away…_

_It was then that Severus knew that he and Lily would never be anything more than friends._


End file.
